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March 18, 2009

Meet Jenifer

I can't do everyone justic in this forum, and Jenifer is one of those people. I will try to get across what comes across when you know her: Overwhelming warmth, true sincerity, and a deep, raw kindness. Does "raw kindness" make sense? Jenifer is empathetic and compassionate, but she's no milquetoast. Jenifer is also a strong woman, with a solid sense of humor. She has suffered the insufferable losses of both parent and child, and she has kept moving and growing. When I think about her, it is sometimes tender to the touch because I know what she's been through. I also know that she is an amazing woman because she has never let grief smother her ability to love, or feel joy for other women around her. That's a rare gift.
                                            
First Name: Jenifer Di Benedetto
Age Range: Mind: 22, Body: 57, Actual: 36
Job Title: Manager
Industry: Kitchen Remodeling

 

(That's Jenifer on the far right)


Who are you? I am a wife, a sister, a daughter, a friend and a Childless Mother

Describe Your Family: Highly Functioning dysfunctional. And it took us a looong time to get there. I have a dad and a step-mom who, over the last 12 years has become more and more my Mom. I have twin half-sisters. And that’s the only time you’ll hear me call them that. They are my sisters. And they light my world daily. I went from eight years of being an only child to being a big sister and next to wife, it’s my greatest role.

My mom died when I was five and my dad remarried less than two years later. Cut through 20 years of sadness, anger, abuse, alienation and therapy and we arrive at this destination. They’re nuts. But they’re mine, I love them and am glad we healed.
My husband is my Someday. He showed up on my doorstep and hasn’t let me go since. He loves me for all my Capricorness and is the reason I get up everyday. His smile makes everything OK.

What does the first hour of your day look like? Hit the snooze five or six times and draaaag my butt to the shower. I’m usually ready for the world inside that hour. Usually.
I’m a creature of habit and routine. You can LITERALLY set your watch by me in the morning.

What does the last hour of your day look like? Snuggled on the couch with the Hubby, reading and watching TV. He’s usually “practicing” for bed though.

What makes you feel successful? I’m not sure yet. I know people who know me will tell you it’s my ability to survive in the face of life’s constant roller coaster. But, really, I’ve just endured. I’ve never had ambitions for a “career”. (Though I somehow ended up with one.) I’ve always just wanted to be a wife and mother. I’ve got the wife thing down pretty good. Can I get back to you on this?

What brings you joy? My family. My best friend, Gabi. Books, shoes and
Hilton Head Island. Gabi and I have been best friends for almost 30 years. She is my constant.

What were you like in first, sixth, and twelfth grades? 1st: Sullen . Still trying to understand where my mom was and who this new lady thought she was horning in on my Dad. 6th: Troublemaker. Still trying to figure it out. I had almost lost one of my sisters and my family life was deteriorating rapidly. 12th: Enduring. I was out of my Dad’s house and on my own. Still trying to carry the weight of the world by myself.

What advice would you give yourself at each of those ages? 1st: It’s OK. If you give her a chance, this lady ain’t so bad. . 6th: OK. So things suck, but tuck in. It’s going to get worse before it’s gets better. And it will get worse. And it WILL get better. 12th: You don't have to be alone. Stop taking care of everybody and let them take care of you for once! (I tell myself this everyday.) And try to get Barry help. You love him and six years from now it will be too late.

Who do you admire? I admire people who triumph over adversity. I admire my husband because he is good and kind and generous without any effort whatsoever. I admire all people who are not me.

How would you like to be remembered? I would like to be remembered as someone who gave her best, whatever that was at the time. Enormously loyal and kind and with a shoe collection to rival Imelda’s!

 

 

March 11, 2009

Meet Kim

I met Kim through Amber, and we hit it off immediately.  We liked the same music, watched the same movies, loved the same designers, wore the same dreaded clown-suit rompers in our misguided youth.  We bonded over lip gloss and questions about our religion.

When we met, Kim had three children.  Less than a decade later, Kim has eight children--I think.  I lost count.  The point is, Kim knows a thing or two about blended families and children!  She has children who were adopted, children who are biological, and children who came into her life with her second marriage.  And she still has time to fix her hair and put on makeup.  I'm tired just thinking about it.

Kim works from her home as an independent beauty consultant and keeps up with a highly enjoyable blog called Mama Fasha.  She looks better in striped shirts than anyone else I know, and sells a wicked red lipstick that every woman should own.

Meet Kim:

First Name: Kim
Age Range: just entered my forties! Gah!
Job Title: Mom & Wife
Industry: Life

 

Who are you? I’m a person who doesn’t get a lot of things new. For instance my husband was once someone else’s (though I have nothing to do with that. In fact I wasn’t even my first husband’s first wife). 5 of my kids used to belong to someone else (2 step kids, 3 adopted). Even my dog and cat came from the animal shelter. But you know? I don’t mind because they’re mine now and I like to think that I do a better job than anyone before me did. I’m also a hopeless romantic and a hopeful dreamer. I dabble in writing. I love love love skin care and beauty products and now have joined the ranks of independent consultants so I can sell those items. I’m terribly vain (love having my picture taken) but terribly insecure at the same time. I don’t know what defines me to be totally honest.

Describe Your Family: My husband, my kids. Everyone else related is not very close, no matter if that is desired of them or not. It just *is*.

What does the first hour of your day look like? Normally I’m awakened by Connor’s (my 21 month old) hand plunging underneath my top and his voice saying “BOOBIES!” (can you tell he was breastfed for 16 months? His poor wife.). Then it’s Connor climbing all over me, then Ian. Not really a bad way to wake up. (I let my husband sleep as long as possible)

What does the last hour of your day look like? Sort of like the first hour but in reverse. I do wash my face and do the usual ablutions.

What makes you feel successful? Knowing that I am raising decent children.

What brings you joy? Those exact same children and their Dad.

What were you like in first, sixth, and twelfth grades? Total chatterbox in the first grade. Always in trouble. Usually because I was finished with my work WELL before anyone else, so I would be bored and start chatting everyone up. I got to go to the school library all the time. In the sixth grade I began the geek journey. Glasses and buck teeth. Extremely attractive. Boy crazy but ignored. Twelfth grade I was just hoping to finish school and get the heck out of town. In reality, I had knee surgery immediately following graduation, was out all summer and then started working in my same town. Go me.

What advice would you give yourself at each of those ages? I don’t have much advice for the early years but for twelfth grade me I’d tell her to pursue the dreams that I had long held and to NOT MARRY THE GUY YOU MEET 5 MONTHS LATER. BAD BAD BAD. Believe me, even though you *think* no one else will want you and even though you’re desperate to be married, you’re totally 100% wrong.

Who do you admire? You know… I admire a lot of people for a lot of reasons. I really have typical admirations: hardworking single moms or women with strong convictions who aren’t afraid to voice them and stand by them. Stylish women or witty writers. If you can make me laugh and you aren’t crass doing it, then I’m pretty much your fan. Oh yeah, and Teddy Roosevelt. He was pretty awesome.
J

 

How would you like to be remembered? I’d just like to be remembered! Ha! No honestly, this is so evil of me, but I want to be the Mom and Wife whose passing totally just crushes the family because they loved me so much and knew every moment of the day that they are what makes the sun shine and that I was totally devoted to them. Of course I want them to be able to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and move on, but I want them to hate to do it. Because I’m evil like that.

 

March 04, 2009

Meet Lori-Anne

LAC, which I thought for the longest was acronym for Likable And Cute, turned out to be Lori-Anne.  I met Lori-Anne on a web forum, and then got to know her better through LiveJournal.  Lori-Anne is one of those women I admire for working herself into a career.  I don't remember where she was working when we first met, but I do remember that at one point she was working two jobs to pay the bills and volunteering at an animal shelter at the same time.  Once she was settled and established with work that met her financial needs, she started expanding out creatively, and now owns a handmade jewelry company called Jewelry Maven.

I own a several of her pieces and love them.  I've got one necklace in particular that draws raves every time I wear it.

Lori-Anne is diligent and dedicated.  She is true to her friends, and loyal to her family.  She has made a place in her home for her mother, which speaks volumes not only to Lori-Anne's heart, but also to the type of person her mother is.  After all, she raised this wonderful woman.

Meet Lori-Anne:

First Name: Lori-Anne
Age Range I will be 40 this year. It's my age, I own it and I certainly earned it.
Job Title: Interesting question since we've re-organized again. I think my title is Production Management Supervisor. Although I like to refer to myself as a professional nag. I nag a lot here.
Industry: Educational Publishing.

 


Who are you? I am the walrus! No...I'm not. I am a partnered Jewish/Buddhist woman who loves shoes and sci-fi. I like pink and movies based on graphic novels.  I swear like a sailor but know when to keep a lid on that. I am hard working, a good friend and I hope a good daughter.  In all things, I am a work in progress.  And I like color, a lot of color.

Describe Your Family: I am an only child of an only child. I was raised by my mom who was a single parent.  I do not know my father as he saw fit to forget about me when I was but a baby.  I like to think he feels the loss more keenly than I do but I am sure that's arrogance on my part.  I was also raised by a wealth of other people, including my grandmother, a number of drag queens and just a very odd but lovable selection of people my mom knew. I am very lucky though; I have a lot of wonderful friends who I consider family. This includes my best friend who I've known since I was 11. We are sisters in every way that really counts.

What does the first hour of your day look like? Blurry without my glasses. (as you can see I use humor as a shield quite often). I function on a pretty routine but regimented schedule. I get up, I get dressed, I get out of the house. I do not watch the news or read the paper...I do what I need to to get out of the house and get to work. I commute by public transportation so I tend to be aware of bus schedules, etc.

What does the last hour of your day look like? Quiet. I usually am already in bed watching tv or reading.  I have trouble sleeping so I try and keep as quiet as possible so that it's easier to fall asleep. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.  Mostly I try and remember to brush my teeth before I pass out.

What makes you feel successful? When I make a piece of jewelry I am proud of  and since I really like my job, doing a good job makes me feel successful. But there are days when I think I've achieved something just by getting through the day in one piece.  But mostly if I think I've made a difference in someone's day, I feel like I've been successful.  I try to feel good about the small things because at the end of the day, I think it's those things that really matter.  I am way more sentimental as a general rule than I let on.

What brings you joy? My friends. And even though he's gone now, my little fur baby Navarre gave me more joy than I am sure I deserved.
 
What were you like in first, sixth, and twelfth grades? Well, I was cute, in a goofy way in the first grade. I was cross eyed, coke bottle glasses, really long hair and lots of bruises. I expect I was quite shy and to be honest, that's carried through most of my life until recently.  I was quiet so I got teased a bit but I was smart so it was a double edged sword for the bullies if they wanted help with their schoolwork. But I was way more fearless than I was when I got older. And that goes for the 6th grade too. I looked about the same except I had my eye straightened.  I was teased less because of it but middle school was a minefield anyway because well, the kids are jerks. Plain and simple.  I was an odd kid. They don't like odd kids in middle school.  12 grade....hmm...well my hair was shorter and my glasses were no longer as thick thanks to modern optical technology!  I was still shy and a bit quiet. In a lot of ways I always did feel like the odd kid out but I was generally always ok with that even though I was worried about not being liked. I was a mass of conflicting impulses for sure.   I dressed cute in the 12th grade. Well, 80s cute.

What advice would you give yourself at each of those ages?  I would tell myelf to relax, loosen up and not worry about what others thought about me. I have spent many years wondering that and it's not worth it. Mostly, it only matters what you and the people you truly love think.  I would tell myself to go away to college though and to start travelling earlier than I did and to not be scared of failing and to just try. Failing is not the worst thing in the world. I look back and I am seriously annoyed with myself as a teenager. I would tell myself to be more like I was when I was in the first grade.

Who do you admire? My grandmother. I want to be like her when I grow up.   She was a tough lady who was independent, smart, gorgeous and took no crap from anyone.  But man, that woman could cuss you out if she wanted to and you would be twitching on the floor hoping for it to be over soon.

How would you like to be remembered? As a good friend and a good daughter. And a good mom to my pets.

February 25, 2009

Meet Francine

Francine was one of my first friends in Junior High.  We lived a few blocks apart and would walk to and from school together.  We started a Care Bear Club together.  We listened to records together.  We talked about boys together.  She was brave enough to let me cut her hair in 7th grade, and then forgiving enough to still be my friend after it was all said and done.  She was my roommate for a summer, and was always game for whatever I had cooked up to do. 

Francine is wicked smart and funny.  And tough.  Listen.  Junior High and High School are hard on the perfect girls, harder still for the girls who don't live up to the celebrity icon standards.  Francine had the opportunity to give in to a handful of stereotypes that would have left her as little more than a statistic, but this girl--this woman carved out her own niche by using her brain and her wit, and was as well-liked, as well-respected, and as popular as a girl could be without donning a cheerleader uniform.  I have always looked at her with some awe.

Today, you'd never know there was a time Francine was anything other than successful.  On top of the intellect and sense of humor, she is chic and fit, and everything that is stereotypically attractive, right down to her little Tina Fey glasses.  I'm proud to know her.  You should get to know her, too.

Meet Francine:

Name:  Francine
Age:  38 (what's the point in sugar-coating?)
Job Title:  International Compensation Consultant Senior
Industry:  International Human Resourses


 
Who are you?  I'm a friend, a nerd, an insecure girlfriend. I am a voracious reader, an atheist, a well of sarcasm.
 
Describe your family: This is a hard one: Traditionally, I have two brothers and two sister. No longer any parents. I get along with 75% of my siblings...my younger brother and sister and I are very close, moreso since the death of my mother. However, I consider my real family my friends. They are the ones I go to first in any crisis or struggle, or when something wonderful happens. Also, a very important part of my family - Newt, my 8 month old kitty, and Zen, my friend Kelli's 17 year old kitty who has been living with me for about 4 years as she travels for work. I will miss him (and so will Newt) when she settles and takes him back :(.
 
What does the first hour of your day look like? Hit the snooze for an hour before I actually get up.
 
What does the last hour of the day look like? Talk to Alex.
 
What makes you feel successful? Well, there is the huge weight loss that I've actually managed (for the most part) to keep off.
 
What brings you joy? The first cup of coffee of the day, my niece and nephew (Casey and Zach), watching Zen and Newt play, watching the scale go down (even though it will go back up), running, having my family and friends be happy.
 
Describe yourself in first, sixth, and twelfth grades:  First grade: Smart, not yet fat, in New York.
6th grade: Smart, fat, new kid.  12th grade: Smart, fat, new kid.

What advice would you give to yourself at those ages?
1st grade: Chill out, it's only first grade
6th grade: Don't pay attention to what people say. You may think it's important now, but in 20 years, if you remember, you won't care. And if you do, it's your problem.
12th grade: Study harder. You may be smart, but college is going to be a lot harder than you think.

Who do you admire?  I admire people who are able to convey their thoughts and beliefs in a smart, logical and eloquent manner, making me understand their issues and feelings, yet not forcing said thoughts and feelings down my throat.
 
How would you like to be remembered?  I would like to be remember as someone who didn't suck. I don't really care that everyone like me. I don't care to be famous. I don't think  I'm going to change the world (who really knows, though?) So, I would like to be remembered by those who know me as someone who didn't suck so bad.

Meet Gina

I met Gina on LiveJournal, through my friend Sydney, and was intrigued.  Gina was(is) a single mom, who seemed to have a really good work/life balance.  What really caught my attention was how she was able to put her family first and still have a thriving social life.  I've never known another mom who was really able to be successful at that, but she is.  I have to learn how to do this.  Gina's got this amazing relationship with her daughter-still-at-home, is a good, solid, conscientious parent, is a good, solid, conscientious employee, and is still a full-on personality of her own.  Does that make sense?
Gina is bold.  She is vocal.  She has opinions.  One of the things I like best about her is that she thinks.  She's got a fantastic mind, and she uses it. She doesn't make excuses, she makes things happen. 
I have worlds of respect for this woman.  I love how she lives her life without appearing to waste a moment, loving her family, her friends, and her boyfriend full throttle, no holds barred, not holding back an ounce of energy.  And even though I've never seen her in person, when she misses a few days posting on LJ, I miss her.  I just really, really, really like Gina.
Meet Gina:
First Name: Gina
Age Range 40's
Job Title: Logistics Administrator
Industry: Automotive

 
(I normally ask which picture these ladies want to use, but I had to put this one in for Gina.  It's just who she is, and it's how I see her in my mind.  All dressed up and with her favorite companion.) 

Who are you? An outspoken introvert, who loves with fierceness which makes her appear as though the guns are ablazin' but is secretly terrified of life. One who will go to the mat for her loved ones, even those times you don't need or want her too.

Describe Your Family: An unconventional single mother of a teen I feel unworthy of at times. A friend whose loyalty shadows few. A girlfriend who runs her man thru the gambit of sanity like it was rat maze. A daughter of a woman who never realized how much she was appreciated and understood.

What does the first hour of your day look like? Laziness personified; my only motivations that get me out of bed, are the need to pee, and the knowledge that I must provide housing and food for another. I think in a previous life I was a sloth or a very spoiled princess.

What does the last hour of your day look like? A ball of stress, slowly unwinding, jaw unclenching, hair unfrazzling, comforted by the wonderful sounds and murmurs of HGTV. :-)

What makes you feel successful? Considering I know shortcuts to most everything, (and those that I am unaware of, I can pour a myriad of energy into figuring out, instead of just DOING IT) knowing I put my all into any project gives me satisfaction. Plus I live for The Praise.

What brings you joy? My daughter. She is my light, my laughter, and my grounding stick.

What were you like in first, sixth, and twelfth grades? A frightened meek little being at six, who nearly suffocated herself by keeping quiet about a ring she inadvertently stuck in her nose, fearing the teachers wrath. Sixth grade I discovered boys, but didn't understand them, or the power one could wield over them. So instead I studied and poked and prodded about, in total fascination of them, discounting anything else in life. Twelfth grade had my boy-powers under complete control; as I did my most of my shyness. But I still was fascinated by them, and continued that journey for nearly ten more years before I found ME.

What advice would you give yourself at each of those ages? 6 years: It's okay to be frightened. Stop placing things in your nose, and don't try and lay in bed with marbles in your mouth. You will scare the hell out of yourself, and nearly choke to death. 11 years: Adam isn't worthy of your tears, but don't be angry or spiteful. There will be many more, and a couple of them will be worth the tears. Love yourself, truly and with full respect, and the right ones will find you. 17 years: Boys are NOT the answer. GO TO COLLEGE and get educated! Cross Law off the list, and consider Psychology. You will do better there, and have much more fulfillment.  

Who do you admire?  Oprah. As crazy as it sounds, her life was full of so many hardships, and I admire those who are able to overcome the hard, and turn it into something positive. Cher for the same reasons. I think the three of us are kindred spirits. ;-)

How would you like to be remembered? As a good mom who put her kids first. As a friend who made my friends laugh. As a wife who loved her husband with all the depths possible. As someone who wrote something that someone else enjoyed.

February 18, 2009

Meet Amy S.

Irene and I were emailing back and forth yesterday, and I was having a deep thought.  "All one needs to be fascinating, is someone other than oneself."  (OOOoooOOOh!)  That's true, though.  You may not find yourself particularly interesting, but I'll bet you dollars to donuts, someone else will.

Amy S. is someone I find fascinating.

I'll admit something here:  Aside from a stint with a roommate, I have never lived completely on my own devices.  When I lived alone in college, my father was supporting me.  When I shared a flat with Karen, we were halving the bills.  I have never in my life been solely responsible for my own homestead.  I find the thought both amazing and terrifying.

Amy S. is one of those sisters doing it for themselves.  If Aretha will sing an ode to you, you're doing something right! 

The elephant in the room with any woman over a certain age is Where Is The Man?  Like a woman can't possibly be anything without one, or must be desperate to have one, or...something.  I love women who rise above the stereotype, who debunk the mythology, and who ride that elephant right into town as "fiercely independent" and content, and who make their own spaces in male dominated fields.  So come meet this fascinating woman, who is an Environmental Scientist.  A scientist!  How do you get  more interesting than that?! 

Meet Amy S.:

First Name: Amy S.
Age Range:30s
Job Title:
Senior Environmental Scientist
Industry:
Government/Environmental


Who are you? 
I am not sure who I am.  I’ve had a somewhat bumpy road to this point in my life, as a sexual abuse survivor, and losing the most important person in my world at a formidable age, and am still trying to figure out who I am as a result.  I’m definitely still on the path, but like the person I’m becoming.

 

For what it’s worth, I’m a fiercely independent single professional homeowner living approximately 75 miles from her closest family member.  I left home for college at 18 and with the exception of a couple summers and a 2 month stint after graduation, never went back.  I subscribe to no religion, and tend toward liberal democratic views.  I have strong opinions, and refuse to hide my intelligence and hope I don’t come off as “know-it-all” or close minded because of it.

Describe Your Family:  
My “family” consists of my sisters, a few select friends, and my goofball cat, as I have a seriously strained relationship with my mother, and lost my father 13 years ago.  I don’t make friends easily, but when I do, they stick.  I met my best friend at age 3, and have an international family in my “pen-pal”, whom I started writing to at age 10/11 and have been blessed to see face to face many times over the years.  I’m still learning to trust and to love well and deeply… my family is still growing as a result.

What does the first hour of your day look like?
Chaos.  I sleep till the last possible second, enjoying the comfort of my bed and purring of the cat.  This often leaves me throwing my hair in a ponytail as I rush out the door, no lunch or coffee in had, cursing the way I look once I arrive at work and the fact that I once again have to purchase things easily made at home.

What does the last hour of your day look like?
Reading.  I’m a voracious reader and almost always have more than one book going.  I curl up in bed and read every night, with the cat nosing into my way for attention.

What makes you feel successful?
My job - I’m not one for high self esteem, but I know my job, and I know I do it well.  My home - I bought it all on my own at age 28, and have maintained and made improvements to it, most of them on a “do-it-yourself” basis.  Moments when I’m needed and/or trusted by a friend or family member, for then I know that I’m doing something right.

What brings you joy?
  My garden - I love to sit on the patio I installed myself and gaze at my little kingdom, knowing that nearly every flower, shrub, herb and veggie has been placed by me; sharing the bounty of my garden with friends. 
Children’s laughter - I’m constantly amazed by their innocence and forthright-ness, and try to encourage it in ways I wasn’t. 

 

Being reminded in small ways, that even if I may not always think or believe so, I am important to, and loved by, many people.

What were you like in first, sixth, and twelfth grades?
1st-  Chatterbox.  Very intelligent.  Full of energy & precociousness.
6th- Awkward, insecure, frightened and intimidated socially, hiding in schoolwork.
12th- Anxious to get the hell out of dodge.  Knew quite well I didn’t “fit” where I was and wanting to find where I did.  I had no idea that in 6 short months the world as I knew it would cease to exist as the center of my universe, my father, was diagnosed with a brain tumor, never to recover.

What advice would you give yourself at each of those ages?
1st- I wouldn’t advise so much as support and love and encourage in ways I didn’t always get.
6th-  Everything from 1st grade with the addition of advising the 6th grade me that it isn’t her fault, and that she is beautiful and worthy and wonderful, and deserving of every happiness life can afford, and then some.  I would offer all the feminine advice that a changing/developing young girl needs and most definitely didn’t get.
12th- 1st and 6th grades, plus all the womanly advice an 18 year old needs regarding dating/sex/relationships etc that was so woefully lacking, and assurances that 12th grade me is ready and able to handle independence, and doesn’t “need” anything from anyone to be able to do that.

Who do you admire?
Jane Goodall.  She has always been 100% genuine and true to herself and was so wonderfully lucky to have a family that supported and encouraged her to go down the path she chose.  She broke so many gender rules as she set out on her path, and never once doubted herself because she had such a strong foundation as a person.  I wish I had that foundation, and the grace and gentle confidence she has.  I was thrilled to see her speak in college and meet her afterward.  She actually is as amazing as I thought.

How would you like to be remembered?
  Hopefully in a positive way!  As a good and loyal friend, who was kind and giving.  Someone who suffered things that shouldn’t be suffered, but grew and overcame in positive healthy ways.  Someone who was always learning and growing.  Someone who smiled a lot and never hesitated to laugh.

February 13, 2009

Meet Lisa

I don't know Lisa very well, but what I know, I like.  I like that we are very different from one another.  Knowing Lisa makes me think differently and consider possibilities I might otherwise have ignored.  And that's what life is all about, right?  Vive la difference! 
We became acquainted through Irene and Darice, since the three of them are members of the Alpha Bitches.  I know she is a compassionate and (probably more importantly) tireless daughter.  She is a proud and fully engaged mother.  She is loyal and dedicated to her friendships.  She is passionate and vocal, and does not shrink from telling her truth.  And she doesn't like drama.
I know she has a wicked sense of humor that shows up on tshirts, and that you can buy those tshirts at Raven's Nest Fashions
Meet Lisa: 
First Name:  Lisa
Age Range: Forties
Job Title:  Complicated.  No - really - until the VPs stop fighting over my job responsibilities, that's my answer.
Industry:  Construction.


Who are you?  I am a work in progress.  Which sounds flip, but really everything else is a label - typically put on me by somebody else - and how I see myself is usually wildly out of sync with how the rest of the world sees me.  My politics are not what you'd expect.  My sexuality is not what the average person would expect.  My job, my family, my marital status - all of it invariably ends up raising *somebody's* eyebrows.
Emerson is famous for saying "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds."  Who I am is filtered through so many different prisms and affected by so many different variables that I really can't get any more precise than "a work in progress".

Describe Your Family:  The older I get, the smaller and more select my family.  My bio-family, with few exceptions, has never understood me, and I'm really past the point of trying to find common ground with them.  I love them, and will more than happily go to family get-togethers - but they are really only interested in the parts of my life that make sense to them.
My family of choice is the best I could have ever hoped for.  Awesome men and women that I know I can call upon at any hour for any reason - and who I respect enough not to abuse that privilege.
And then there's the teenager - probably the single best thing I will have done in this life, when called to account for my actions.

What does the first hour of your day look like?  I have to take my thyroid medicine immediately - it has to be taken with a full glass of water an hour before food.  On weekdays, I then get the teenager up and fed, take her to the bus stop and return for my own breakfast.
On weekends, I surf the 'net and watch television until I can eat. 

What does the last hour of your day look like?  Lying in bed, either surfing the 'net or watching television.

What makes you feel successful?  Exceeding people's expectations of me.  Taking on challenges and mastering them.  The look on my project manager's face when I pull off something really impressive.  Any time anybody tells me how amazing my daughter is.

What brings you joy?  My daughter.  Alpha Night (our weekly "Girls Night Out" get together at the local Starbucks).  My job.  Getting to be as big a fangirl as I want to be.

What were you like in first, sixth, and twelfth gradesIn first grade I was the quintessential bookworm.  I still had friends, but was starting to see some of the punishment kids get for being the "brainiac" of the class.  I hated PE, dressing like "a boy" and getting dirty.  I loved animals, and would spend recess playing make-believe that my best friend and I were timber wolves.
In sixth grade...huh.  I just started to type about all the cool stuff that went on in my school in sixth grade - and it did - but sixth grade was the year I really tried to self-sabotage and make myself appear dumber in order to stop kids picking on me.  That didn't last long - I went to a private school, and my teachers were all over that.  Sixth grade was pretty manic - lots of emotional highs and lows.  Lots of loneliness, but got to experience a lot of cool stuff as part of the class at large.
In twelfth grade I was finally starting to come to terms with myself.  I had a best friend, and she had more than enough cool for both of us.  I was in a tough school, but nobody really hated me like in elementary and middle schools.  I had figured out the self-defense mechanism of listening more than you talk, and this may have contributed to my overall upswing in social acceptance.

What advice would you give yourself at each of those ages?  Thing is, I try really hard not to do hindsight.  That gets me really bogged down, and bad as the bad times might have been, they've all gone into making me who I am today.
And I like who I am today.

Who do you admire?  I really don't do the hero worship thing anymore.  There's a sense in it of trying to model yourself after part of all of that person, and in my experience you have what you need inside you already to be the person you're supposed to be.  All you've got to do is get out of your own way long enough to listen to what your inner voice is really telling you.

How would you like to be remembered?  There are days I'm not sure this is something I want.  I had a long run in my twenties where I was very concerned about noteriety, pretty much at all costs.  Looking at it with a fresh perspective, I'd like to be remembered as somebody who lived a good life, raised a positively contributing member of society, owned her mistakes, and did her best to correct them.
Check out Lisa's store at Raven's Nest Fashions.

February 09, 2009

Meet Elspeth

When I met Elspeth Grafton, she was working in the travel industry, chasing the dream of becoming a full time script supervisor.  While she maintained at her day job, she was taking every opportunity available to earn the hours of experience necessary to qualify for her union, and was striving and struggling ahead against some daunting odds.  There were times she wanted to quit, but she never did.

A few years ago, Elspeth took a leap and quit her day job.  She launched herself head first into the film and television industry, making her dream a reality. 

Look, little impresses me more than someone who has an idea, or a goal, or a dream, and who actually works to make it happen.  Elspeth impresses me.  She recently wrapped work on a film for last year's Oscar darling, Diablo Cody.  In 2007, she earned her screen credit for the second X-Files film.  She has worked in the freezing cold, in the blazing heat, she has had her entire kit and gear stolen and recovered.  She has worked for great people, for horrible people, with wonderful actors, and with clueless ones.  She has worked jobs she has loved, and jobs she has--erm--not loved.  But what is important is that she has worked.  Check out her IMDB profile.  It is robust and growing daily.

Elspeth has done what it takes to turn fantasy into reality.  She has never quit.  (Also, isn't Elspeth the coolest name ever?)

You have got to meet Elspeth

First Name:  Elspeth Grafton
Age Range: on the edge of my 30s - you can guess which end.
Job Title:  Script Supervisor (Continuity)
Industry:  Film/Television


Who are you? I am a friend, a daughter, a sibling, a woman...  I think I'm probably more than I give myself credit for

Describe Your Family: My family is less than conventional.  I've 4 living siblings, one deceased.  I've got a disabled twin I barely communicate with.  I've got two step-fathers (one an ex-step-father), and I've got more extended family than I can describe in a paragraph.  Honestly, I joke that I should create a flow chart/family tree so that people can decypher our family - after all, who can boast three Matthews in one family?

What does the first hour of your day look like?  When I'm working it normally means crawling my tired behind out of bed, showering, hauling all my work gear to my car and driving to set.  If not working, then it usually involves a home made latte, watching the news or reading a book.

What does the last hour of your day look like?  When working it means doing the remainder of my script notes from the days filming and faxing/emailing them off to the editors, crawling into bed, and after setting six alarms (seriously), falling into 4 hours of sleep.  When not working it usually means falling asleep while reading

What makes you feel successful?  This is a hard one.  My industry is fickle.  Success in the film industry...  does that mean steady work or an award on the mantle?  Depends on the person.  Personally, I try to break it down each day.  Was I successful today.  Did I contribute in some way to make a scene better?  Did I save our actors or director some time?  Did I offer a suggestion that could make a scene better?  Did I do my job to the best of my ability?

With so much down time inbetween film projects, it's easy to fall into the 'I'm not working therefore I'm not successful.  I try not to fall into that trap - but often I do.

What brings you joy?  My family.  My job.  My writing.  My friends.  My espresso machine.  Seriously.

What were you like in first, sixth, and twelfth grades?  1st:  hyperactive  6th:  withdrawn  12th:  desperately trying

What advice would you give yourself at each of those ages?  1st:  Enjoy it because your world will come crashing down soon.  6th:  Things might be pretty crappy at home, but that doesn't mean you don't deserve to have friends.  Cherish them - they'll get you through the worst.  12th:  You don't have to be invisible.  You can be anything you want.  It will take a bit of time to find your stride, but you will.  You will be visible, and you will be beautiful.  Don't be afraid.

Who do you admire?  I admire traits more than I admire people specifically.  I admire people who have taken their flaws and turned them around to genuinely helped people.  I admire those who can rise above fallibility and accept.   So I guess with those criteria, I admire a lot of people.

How would you like to be remembered?  I would like to be remembered as someone who was fiercely loyal, and loved with all she had.  I'd like to have touched lives with my writing.  I'd like to have made a difference.

Elspeth wrote to me after she had sent her Q&A, and added this quote she lives by.  Think about it.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?"

Marianne Williamson

Get to know Elspeth better at IMDb.com.

 

February 06, 2009

Meet Irene

Irene is pretty amazing.  Ask anyone who knows her, or who reads her work.  Irene will tell you she's very average, but she's wrong.  I've shared a bed with her.  I know.

Irene is the kind of person I hoped to meet when I started visiting forums on the internet.  I found her on an aging pop star's web forum, and it was love at first flame war.  We, with Darice, went on to write--I'm not sure how to say this delicately--satirical beastiality fanfiction about the aging pop star on the aging pop star's webforum.  Satirical beastiality fanfiction that the aging pop star actually either read himself, or had read to him.  Irene cringes at this.  I am strangely proud.  Or maybe just strange.  Moo.

I love Irene like seagulls love for you to have picnics at the beach, leaving all your fatty, fried foods behind for them.  It is a greedy, clucking, can't-get-enough-of-your-love-baby kind of love.  But then, everyone who knows Irene loves her that way.  You just want more.  Mooore. 

Here's what she has to say about herself:

First Name:  Irene
Age Range:
  I’ll own my age:  41.  Now tell me I couldn’t possibly be that old.  Please.
Job Title:  Account Manager
Industry:  Insurance 

 

Who are you?  I’m still trying to answer that question for myself, to be completely honest.  I can’t bundle myself up or describe myself as ‘mother’ or ‘devoted wife’ or ‘struggling professional’ or ‘aspiring author’ or anything else.  I’ll just say that like Popeye, I am what I am.  All the attendant quirks, tics and flaws just add depth and flavor, like a fine wine.  Which if I were a wine, at my age I’d be completely rockin’.  Or vinegar.  Which might be closer to the real non-wine me.  But I digress... 
 
Describe Your Family:  I have two families: I have a husband who I adore, who seems to adore me--for which I am very lucky.  I have a beautiful fourteen year old daughter who is so much more than the sum of our two parts—as in scary smart and probably going to take over the world at some point.  I have two fur covered slugs that disguise themselves as cats.  I have two incredible sisters and their children.   My mother is infuriating and amusing and exasperating and wonderful all at once.  (Remind me to tell you the story about the forty day fast for world peace that lasted five days and included pizza, or the time she told me if Jesus had lived past his thirties, he’d have gotten Botox.)
 
I also have a family of choice, the Alphas.  We call ourselves the Alpha Bitch Club, or the ABCs.  These women are the women who I count as my closest, dearest friends and they know me better than anyone.  They are always willing to deliver the clue by four repeatedly to my head until I stop being an idiot, they put up with me, and in return I do the same to them.  If any of them needed a kidney, I’d be swabbing my side with alcohol while I grabbed my keys to get to the hospital.  Mom… I’d have to check my insurance coverage first.  And schedule vacation.  And arrange a cat sitter.
 
What does the first hour of your day look like?  Normally, it’s very dark and filled with grunts.  My husband likes to let his clock radio snooze three times before he gets up.  This annoys me, because I’d rather just sleep the extra 15 minutes.  Then I shamble into the bathroom while the spouse wakes up the teenager, who has her own beauty regimen involving heavy brown eyeliner and a hair straightener to get the properly moody emo look.  I’m usually brushed, moisturized, made up, dressed and out the door within 20 minutes of getting up and then the long drive to work.
 
What does the last hour of your day look like?  I cruise the internet for Orlando Bloom gossip and porn… I mean, I research very weighty and serious matters about celebrity interpersonal relationships so that I may one day have a thesis to get my Ph.D. in Psychology.  Yeah.  That’s it.  That’s the ticket.
 
What makes you feel successful?  A variety of things:  A job well done.  Progress made in a backlog at work.  Making someone who works for me look good.   A funny blog entry.
 
What brings you joy? My daughter.  She’s a great kid: smart, well rounded, beautiful.  She’s my pride and joy
 
What were you like in first, sixth, and twelfth grades?  Oh, jeez.  First grade, if I recall, I was the teacher’s pet.  Sixth, I was the class punching bag.  Twelfth, I was the geeky but almost on the fringes of the popular kids clique one.
 
What advice would you give yourself at each of those ages?  Hmmm.  First grade?  Unknown.  Besides, I wouldn’t listen.  (this would actually be abundantly true for any age of me, frankly)  Sixth:  I would tell me to not listen to my grandmother and remember that the future is directly affected by what I did then.  Twelfth: I would tell myself not to take that year off after high school and go straight on to college.  I would also remind myself that getting healthy habits then would be so much easier to maintain then trying in your thirties and forties.   Oh, and that Barry Waldron wasn’t worth it and that he was a cheating scumsucking dick, so stop crying over him and find a man that wouldn’t borrow money from you to take out an ugly chick.
 
Who do you admire?  I admire a lot of people, too many to list all of them.  I admire all the Alphas.  Each one of them contains a facet or aspect that I truly want to emulate—for example, Telaryn and her strength of will, or Holly and her good sense, or Darice and her intellectual power, or Debbie and her superpower of organization.  Between the six of us, we have the makings of an exceptionally gifted person.
 
I admire Rachel Caine (who is an awesome writer and funny lady and you need to read her Morganville Vampire series and Weather Warden Series like WHOA) because of her ability to maintain a life with a job and her family and everything that implies, and still manage to bang out good, readable novels at an amazing pace while surviving breast cancer.  And she remains amazing while she’s doing it all. 
 
I admire the owner of this blog for being the most confident, beautiful, comfortable-in-her-own-skin, loving woman I’ve ever met.  And for her ability to pose Barbie dolls in salacious Duran Duran related positions while high on raw cookie dough.  (inside joke, thank all the little Gods we lost the negatives [ed. note:  And the big ones.  Whew!]).
 
I admire women who are not afraid to be intelligent, and I admire men who aren’t afraid to admire intelligent women.
 
How would you like to be remembered?  I’d like to be remembered with laughter tinged with joy--as a fairly intelligent woman with a good sense of humor, a strong sense of what is right and wrong, and a moderately good mother, despite my general dislike of children.

Learn more:  You can learn more about Irene, or just laugh yourself sick over on her blog.  If Denis Leary and Erma Bombeck had a baby, it would be Irene.

February 03, 2009

Meet Leslieann

I met Leslieann in February of 1997, on her birthday, which also happened to be Valentine's Day.  That night, she was the focal point of a group of women who would become my tight social circle for the next several years--actually, the group of women who made me really appreciate what it meant to have girlfriends. 

Leslieann is funny.  She is smart, and friendly, can work a spreadsheet like nothing I've ever seen, and can talk more than anyone else I know.  (I'll let her tell you about that in her Q&A.)  She is a country girl, from a little town in west Texas, who has a taste for bad boys and bad television (Matlock is her favorite show.  We love her anyway.), and an uncanny ability to find herself in the strangest situations.  She always has a story.

Meet Leslieann.

First Name: Leslieann
Age Range:  Thirties
Job Title: Admin Analyst
Industry:  Transportation/Insurance

 
Who are you?  I am a Christian, mother, soon to be ex-wife, friend and self professed geek.  I was queen of the geeks in college and continue to hold the title.  If there is a nerd, ne’er do well, socially inept person within 50 yards they will be drawn to me like a moth to a flame. 

I want to be the cool popular one, but instead I’m the friend of the cool one.  I’m changing my definition of myself as I travel down the road of divorce.  I’ll let you know what I become in the end.
 
Describe Your Family:  I am a single parent with a large extended family.  I have aunts and uncles that are really cousins, but due to age and closeness are considered more.  I have loving church family that is there to support me and keep me in line.  Currently I’m sharing a house with another single mom and it’s actually going well.  We compliment each other in our strengths and weaknesses. 
 
What does the first hour of your day look like?  Blurry.  I hit snooze once then get up about 6:15 a.m.  I stumble to the shower and try to wake up.  I get dressed and ready to go then wake up my daughter about 7:00.  She’s not a morning person either so we rush to get out the door by 7:30.
 
What does the last hour of your day look like?  I usually wash my face, get the young one to bed then try to zone out with a little mind numbing TV or book.  Then I crash and sleep like the dead.
 
What makes you feel successful?  My daughter’s laugh and the ability to make my co-workers laugh.  I feel I’ve done my best when my daughter laughs and then runs to hug me and tell me for the 10 millionth time she loves me and I’m the best mommy ever.  My co-workers says I should write a book about my misadventures and laugh at my stories.
 
What brings you joy?  My daughter and my friends, driving with my sunroof open on a perfect day singing at the top of my lungs to some cheesy song. 
 
What were you like in first, sixth, and twelfth grades?  First grade was lots of time spent in the corner for talking and trying to be the teacher.  I stood in the corner so long one time my teacher forgot about me and I fell asleep.  I fell to the floor and she felt horrible.  She even bought me a gift to apologize.  I still talk too much, but I started young.  

6th grade – My father died and I don’t remember much of that year or the next.  I know I got braces and a bad perm.  I also got boobs so I’m sure it was better that I blocked it out. 

12th – Chomping at the bit to get out of high school and my small town.  I knew greater things awaited me in college. 
 
What advice would you give yourself at each of those ages?  1st – you don’t have to say everything you think.  6th – this will pass and you will survive.  12th – you were right…college and life does get better.
 
Who do you admire?  I admire strong, independent women.  I admire my mother for being a great friend and mother and always being there for me no matter what.  I admire my friends for many different things and I love how we are all so different yet the greatest of friends.  I admire how they still accept me for all my faults and admit to being my friend.
 
How would you like to be remembered?  I want to be remembered as someone who stood out and always fought for the right side and never compromised her principles.  I want to be remembered as a good mother, friend and for sharing Jesus with others.

Want to know more about Leslieann?  Look her up on LiveJournal as willa_love.  She promises she is going to start writing more. 

Oh, she is going to kill me for posting this picture (our questionable style is now under control), but we look like such a happy couple!  Here we are on the Strand in Galveston in 1998.  Ah, the 90s.  Leslieann on the right.

leslieann and me